Saturday, 20 December 2014

Multiple personality & Love is dying #thoughts

Super excited I got accepted into University!! Life is going my way now...hopefully.

I just feel like getting some things off my chest. I like to change my personality once in a while. My personality is collected from people who I encounter in my life. If I like someone's personality, it becomes part of me. Once in a while I like to be nice or a bitch or quiet loner or cold hearted or warm hearted etc

I guess this is normal because I'm a teenager trying to find who am in this world lol. Here's an interesting fact about me, I love people's reaction. Sometimes I act an certain way to see someone's reaction. In my mind, I plan two scenarios on how someone would react and chose the better option or if I'm feeling like a bitch, I'll be brutally honest. Life's just fun like that. An example is, one time I watched this vietnamese drama and I began speaking politely in vietnamese, speaking softly and being nice like the main character. Then I realised how stupid I sound.

Okay next topic. I believe that my family's love life is cursed. I grew up not seeing a happy couple in my family. I believe people get bored and love slowly dies and the fire will be gone.

I'm scared that I won't be like those old couple who are still together after like decades. I'm scared of the wrong person being my life partner.  I get bored fast. If I have an interest in something it will most likely be obsessive interest. Then when I know everything, and there's nothing left, I get bored. I hear people say "Oh you guys still in the honeymoon mode?" and I wonder why it has to end.

I was listening to 'You don't bring me flowers anymore' by Neil Diamond & Barbara Streisand, and it's basically about how people slowly become less romantic and passionate....

Oh this is depressing!!!

Human minds is so weird, one minute they're head over heels over someone and the next, they wake up not loving their partner...

I really want love to be like in movies but lol

Well that's all I got to say.

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Obsessed with male yandere

Did you know what I have been up to the past few days?? Searching for as many yandere guys in Mangas, anime etc. It has come to the point that I am willing to look up Yaoi yandere.

To be clear, I only like fictional yandere. Real life ones would be scary as hell.

I never ever thought about yandere guys until Toma from Amnesia and after that I love yanderes.

Why do I love them?
  • They are protective
  • Only loves you
  • Will do whatever it takes to make you happy
  • Only think about you
  • Super Loyal
  • They are so adorable 
  • Literally crazy about you
  • Super huggy <3 (or physical if you know what I mean)
  • You're the reason for their existence
  • Fictional yandere are hot!

Ok I am feeling so in love right now.

Here are some Yanderes I have seen so far. ^ Toma is already mentioned.

1. Kahrel from 'Paperweight eyes'

2. Megane(forgot his real name) from 'Watashi no megane-kun'

3. The earl from   'Visuakiisu no akai ningyou'

4. Both the main guys from 'Risou no kareshitachi'

5. Balder from 'Kamigami no asobi'

6. Tsukasa from 'Atatshi wa sore o Gaman dekinai'

7. Kitou Hijiri from 'Aishite kudasai, sensei'

8. Ikuto from  'Kuro to Kin no Hirakanai Kagi'

9. Kanato from ' Diabolik Lovers'

10. Onya from 'Metronome' 

11. All the guys but mainly Jarte from 100% perfect girl

12.  Nozumo from Hadashi de bara o fume

13. Both the twin from Flower of evil

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

My trip to Bundanoon Monastery

3 months ago, I was bored so I decided to tag along with my parents and grandma to go to Bundanoon monastery. It was an hour and a half trip and I managed to read half of The fault in our stars ( will blog about it soon). I really had no idea the purpose of the trip until I got there. Apparently I just attended my first funeral without realising it. I had no clue who died but I assume it was a friend of my grandma. Well I didn't really attend the funeral, it was more of exploring the monastery. Far out the long ass trip was worth it. The monastery was amazing. It was peaceful and the scenery was just wow!

 Yep, it was a very gloomy day.

 My favourite out of the whole place

 There was a lot of crap on the ground so I had to constantly keep an eye out.

 I don't know why but this reminds me of Japan.
This tree is rad.

My mum entered the men area....

 Yesh a perf shot of a spinning ball.

 The monastery is so peaceful, animals aren't afraid of human. I legit pat the cat and it didn't flinch or run away unlike my cat at home. Seriously my cat runs away from me at night???
 I love this sign.

 I just want to live here

I don't know what happened to the picture of my lunch but here is dessert. Yummers.

To conclude, I just want to live there. It's so peaceful and the air is so fresh.

Train wreck post

It's 4:30am and I just feel like blogging anything right now. Prepare yourself for one train wreck post. I'm feeling just a tad down right now. I've read too many Josei manga, it's hurting my soul. I probably have a fetish for good looking older men which I'm pretty sure people will look at me like WTF. I wonder how many manga, I've read so far which relates to age gap between two characters.... Hopefully I don't become Lana Del Rey, calling my man 'Daddy' UGH. Love her tho. The guy in her Shades of cool music video was pretty good looking. I bet he looked ravishing when he was younger. He reminded me of Jeremy Irons. This is a guess but I think she did that on purpose because of her love for Lolita which happens to star Jeremy Irons as Humbert.

So today, my auntie, who I haven't seen or spoken to in years, added me on facebook. I was very uncomfortable of course and I told my dad and he told me to ignore her. As a teenager in my rebel years, I accepted her request. I was thinking of the last time I met her and comparing myself to how I am today. I am proud to say I love who I am today compare to who I was. I used to be the shyest, quietest,  most clingy person ever. It's pretty much me today but 5x less. I think I'm more straight forward and independent today. I swear more and is more rude. So I think it'll be pretty interesting to meet her again and see her reaction. Actually not just her, the whole of my dad's side of the family. I would like to show them how much I changed and that I'm not the little ugly shy girl anymore. For the first time ever, thanks puberty. 
This kind of all started when I asked this girl on my facebook if she was my cousin. Sounds silly but yea...Next thing you know, my whole family is going to add me on facebook and I used to be so proud that I didn't have any family members as my friends on facebook. 

Let me just take my time to talk about how much I love Loki! Last week, my brother got Thor movie and I fell in love with Loki. Argh he's so adorable! but how???? I was pretty bummed out at the end but then I remember he lived in Avengers. So I proceeded to watch Thor 2 and I nearly died from his cuteness when Thor let Loki out. I couldn't handle it! My brother got really annoyed with me "This is why I hate fangirls" is what he said to me. And of course his tragic death really made my heart break. That ending tho!

I just finished reading 'Gone Girl' by Gillian Flynn and Oh MY Gee it was the most intense book I ever read. Highly recommended. Great plot twist and just wow it's smart. I really love the character Amy and her twisted smart scary mind that I almost feel sorry for Nick. I can't wait for the movie to come out. Now all I want to do is read similar books. I tried out Gillian Flynn's debut novel 'Sharp objects' and I also super love it.

It just makes me realise that I'm into dark stuff. I enjoy reading/watching anything that relates to suicide, cutting, gore, abuse. I just like to feel sympathy and anger. I sat down and thought why do I like this? I'm curious on how people overcome these adversities. For instance, I have a love/hate relationship with anything to do with extra marital affair. Well only if the husband is the one cheating. I like to see how the wife deals with it. Does she leave him, plot revenge, stay with him etc. I like to see her plot a revenge because having an affair is the lowest thing ever and they need to be punished. 


This post was in draft for months wow. Got an announcement! I graduated High school 3 weeks ago! Feeling fantastic? nah. I'm scared for the exams. What's the point man. My career advisor told me to do what I like and we talked and she suggest I do costume designing. I really like the idea but $$ is not that good to survive. I'm going to stick to nursing. 

idk what else to say. Haven't posted anything since my birthday but I did update my 2 top post (top otome gamehot anime guys). Can I also add another thing about Gone girl. I'm beginning to like the idea of strong independent women.  I'm so irritated at the idea of weak minded female characters who like to be a pushover, something I wrote in the review for marriage contract. 

Probably a boring post to you but I enjoy writing it. Let's end it with this picture of my lips. Yep I tried the korean lip gradient thing...

Saturday, 28 June 2014

New found obsession with Phantom of the Opera

I have always had this love for Opera because they portray the story beautifully with music.  If I were to choose from going to the cinemas or to musical theatre, I'll make my future husband take me to the musical theatre to watch operas/musicals because tickets aren't cheap and I'm classy. Anyways, I was on youtube, listening to opera songs to help me sleep and Phantom of the Opera theme came up as a suggestion. I thought why not? The beat of the song and their voices was orgasmic. The video was cute as fuck. Pardon my language lol.  I'm so in love with the way he looks at her. I knew at that moment I had to watch it. Before that, I did a bit of research on P.O.T.O. The 2004 version is awesome because daaammmmmnnnn Gerard Butler's fine ass. I know that the phantom aka Erik is suppose to be corpse like appearance and what not but seriously I don't care since it's Gerard Butler, he can capture me into his lair anytime.
I just want to cry at how beautiful he is even though the phantom is suppose to be ugly. I had a dream of rubbing his abs *drool*

Phantom of the Opera contains most of the things I like. Older guy with younger girl, Yandere, possessive love, Opera/musical, mysterious guy, 1800's fashion, forbidden love and love triangle. I couldn't ask anything more than that...well maybe changing the ending into a happier ending where Erik is together with Christine even though there isn't really a future there but who cares what happens beyond the movie.
My favourite part because the way he sang it, I felt it. It was orgasm to the ear. 

I never ever cry for tragic love stories where couple can't be together but seriously I got teary. My heart broke at the end like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. My heart is broken at his face when he knew he couldn't win Christine's heart

Seriously I got the chills. After all these years, he still loved her and asdfghjklasdfghjk. This is a powerful image okay? The ring she gave him at their final meeting, he gave back at her grave. A beautiful image that he is still alive, presumably in his 80's.  I love how he works hard for love because all his life he never had any but in the end he let her go because he understood the concept of love as putting their happiness before their own.

Because I am so obsessed, I watched the 25th anniversary musical production and it blew me away. IT WAS SO AWESOME AHHH. I thought the movie was good but the musical was even better. (Sorry Gerard...) It was passionate and the ending made me cry even more like wow. The costume was amazing. It had so much details on each outfit, just wow. The final lair scene was just AMAZINGGGGG! Just the detail of their acting and singing got through to me. Ramin Karimloo is freaking adorable. His voice is so strong and powerful yet so beautiful. I watched the whole thing 3 times!
Or shall I say, he's beautiful. ;)

Being obsessed and all, I checked out the past Phantoms. I of course checked out Michael Crawford. My first reaction was "What? he sounds weird" but then I thought about it and his voice is eerie just like how the phantom is suppose to be like. I listened to the other songs and started to like his voice. His acting for the final lair was sooooooooooo good. It was so emotional :') 
The other Phantoms I checked out was Hugh Panaro, John owen jones and norm lewis.
I know all the songs to the musical because all of them are awesome. 

I tell you how much I love P.O.T.O, I read the original novel (Raoul is such a childish prick), 1990 mini series (didn't feel comfortable watching it), and I stopped there, because I didn't want the other adaptions to ruin it for me just like the 1990 one. 

And that is all. Thanks to P.O.T.O I now enjoy watching musicals. I went and watched Les mis and Sweeney Todd. :)

Yea this post was suppose to be done since April lol.



This is the stressing part of being a teenager- deciding on what to do after high school. My marks are not up to the standard I thought I would be at so I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out because I'm afraid of being labelled as dumb for the rest of my life if I don't do well and I'm afraid of getting compared as the less smarter one. I don't like losing and knowing someone else is better than me.

Here I am, so determine to get into Uni. I will not accept the idea of going to Tafe or college or taking an gap year. I don't have much interest or goals so I deciding on whether to be some sort of designer or nurse. They are the only two choice because they are achievable marks I can get. Yes I know, I should try hard and get the marks so I could do my dream job. No matter how hard I try I just can't do it. 
The thing about high school is that it slowly reveals the truth of life. For example: Before high school I was so determined to be a fashion designer but then after doing textiles since year 9, I realised I didn't like it and that it was so stressing the whole thing about designing and keeping up with trends...sighs

A few days later....

Yes I started this post on Thursday and it's currently Saturday. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! 
Ever since I began blogging and wrote every year how my birthday was, I realise what a little brat I was. I get all moody and upset that I don't get much presents and have a party or whatever. This year I was prepared for what was going to happen and ready to accept the fact that not much was going to happen. "Don't expect too much and you'll receive a lot. Expect a lot and you'll get less" Just made that up on the spot. If you expect you'll get a lot of things and in reality you don't get as much as you wanted then you'll be disappointed. If you don't expect anything and receive something, you'll be on top of the world. 
Yesterday, it was last day for the term and the day before my bday so my friends planned a mini party for me. I do feel like the queen *smirk*. Since it was last day of the term, MOST of my friends decided to take an early holiday. So it was only 4 plus me there. I would have preferred it that way because we all had so much fun. A small group is the best especially how it's easier to communicate to everyone and literally LOL. Best mini school lunch party because there was delicious chicken, which was home baked by my friend. She will be in a special part in my heart  for the YUUuuuMMMy chicken. It was pretty funny now that I think of it how I ate the chicken wing with a fork haha I'm so asian. She was like "Gurl that's not how you eat it and you even left a bit of meat on the bone" lol <3
I'm a cheap ass so I got plates, forks (lol), sour worms and those chewy lollies. Yas the chicken was good but the food that won my heart was.....
The spanish potato omelette 
It was incredible in my mouth. Super duper delicious 5/5 I ate so much I was full for the first time at school. I'm shit at making omelette so no chance of ever tasting them again without being an annoying beggar towards my friend for the rest of her life. Lol it's funny how it's the only food I took a picture of. 
Other then the yummy chicken and potato omelette, there was the cake which I didn't eat because I cant stand the texture of the cheap coles cake. Love the thought of the cake, I appreciate it but no thank you. Best day to be honest. It makes me grateful for the people in my life. 

Okay for today, I was expecting a boring day, just chilling at home, watching clips of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. My mum knocked on my door at 9, asking of I wanted to go buffet or Yumcha. I mumbled "I dont' want to go anywhere" and she didn't hear so I said buffet. I was real tired because I slept at 6am. I didn't really expect to go anywhere so I was pretty happy to go out and eat. The stomach can only take so much (see what I did there?). I ate 3 plates of food and I usually take 5 when I'm at a buffet.  Seriously? What? I can handle food but not today. My stomach was so full but no matter what, I still had dessert. I was pushing my luck basically. After the delicious meal, me and my bro went and bought Thor movie. AWESOME movie may I add. AHH Loki my love. You just can't hate him. Love the movie but I would much prefer it without the romance.
I wrote a post on tumblr "It's my birthday. Pls say happy birthday to me thx" Hehe got a whole lot of spam and one person calling me rude. I did say pls so what's the problem? lol. Tumblr got a heart sign on my bday <3 aww bae

Yep Overall, I would say it's a good day. "It's a good life, hazel grace." Yes I read and watched 'The Fault in our stars' and cried bucket loads. Seriously, I cried when Augustus told Hazel about the cancer and there was a lot of pages left. My eyes cannot contain the amount of tears. The movie was great. I went to the cinemas alone and 12 year old bitches kept laughing and talking and I'm there crying at the beginning and came out the cinema with wet sleeves and REALLY RED EYES.
I was suppose to end the post at overall it was good but that escalated.

Here's a Ofotd

I blinked at the flash but whateves. or you can say I'm asian :L
Ahh how I love end of financial year sale.
Coat- $20
boots- Mum got from india it's so really cheap 

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

favourite lines from mangas

Futei de Furachi na Ani desu ga


Hapi Mari
 freaking tsundere


Miman renai


Monday, 21 April 2014

Deep thoughts time

I've been having pretty deep thoughts about life lately. Last Thursday, I was going to Uni with my bro for an experience of what it's like. While on the train, it made me realise that train rides are beautiful. You meet different people, that you'll never see again. You watch those people step onto the platform, heading off to their own life. This makes you come to a realisation that the world in fact doesn't revolve around you. Everyone has their own story and living their life yet you feel like your not living yours. Anyone else feel like that? We aren't living our lives instead we're living in an plan. We go to school, graduate, work a job for the rest of our life, get married and kids then when we're old we realise we haven't lived at all.

The next deep thought I had the other day is the type of care I crave for that doesn't exist.  Do friends even care? If I were to die, is it a big deal? Will it dramatically change their lives? Of course they will care, depending on who they are. But that type of care isn't what I crave for. Parent's care are different. It's natural for them to care as it's part of a job to be a parent. The type of care I crave for is of a lover's care. The need to protect and worry about me. If I need help, they'll be there. This type of care is similar to friends and family but to feels different.  I crave unconditional love. I crave comfort. I crave the happiness a happy couple feels. The type of care that reassures me that they'll love me forever. The saddest thing is that care, I know won't exist for me. I'm not worth that much care. I crave it badly but no one will give it to me. There's that one flaw no one will accept unless they're a Saint. If there's one fear I have in life it's that I will never find someone to love me. The fear I will die by myself, knowing I have accomplish nothing. I fear the imperfection of my life. I fear of marrying the wrong person. I fear of marrying twice or more. I fear of not even getting married. I fear of being old and finally finding the right person then the next thing I know, I don't have long to live. I'm too imperfect for anyone and that's scary. I get the feeling that I'm someone that every guy will cheat on. I crave so badly for someone to care for me, looking pass my flaws. I'm selfish and I want that person to not be able to function without me in their life. I want to be top priority. I want them to have a fear of losing me.

'We accept the love we think we deserve.' I like this quote from Perks of being a wallflower. It describes me. In life we all want someone with God-like appearance who is multi-millionaire. We know we can't because we don't deserve someone like them. We settle down for who we think we deserve base on how we see ourselves. I, to be honest, can not see myself with anyone. In this life I think I don't deserve love. I may want but I can't get. Everyone is too good for me. Like I said earlier, you got to be a Saint if you're going to accept my flaws, because I wouldn't even give myself a second look. I feel like a burden to anyone who will ever love me. You must pity me to be with me.

Sorry for such a depressing post. It's the deep thoughts, I've been having for a while. Life's just weird and crazy. The train though was pretty deep. I've always seen the world as revolving around me. I'm the main character to this world. But there are also other people in it. It just made me realise I'm not living my life, that's why train rides are so beautiful because it made me realise this. This also made me realise that graffiti is just a form of art people left behind as a reminder that they lived in this world and they were there. That was a pretty deep thought.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Ristorante Paradiso

Can I just point out how Ristorante Paradiso the cutest and awesomest anime, is underrated? LIKE WHY IS IT UNDERRATED? AHHHHHHHH
Lately I started enjoying some Josei genre anime. This genre is also underrated to which I don’t understand why. Josei basically means mature female. Not bragging that I’m mature or anything because deep down I know I’m not, it’s just a facade. 
If you know me, I love reverse harem and older guys. Went and google some anime with that description and boom all over my face for a while is Ristorante Paradiso. 

Let me be honest here. I was turned off by how old the men were. UGH. Read the description/ plot and I thought why not? I’ll watch it for the lols. Finished first episode and just fell in love. My horoscope said I’ll fall in love at first sight and it was right. I fell in love with the characters. This shows that you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover. 

The plot revolves around a 21 year old woman name Nicoletta who went to Rome to search for her mother and reveal who she is to her mother’s new husband as a revenge for leaving her 15 years ago. She enters Casetta dell’Orso, a restaurant owned by her mother’s husband and of course her life changes from then when she meets the great men who work there. 

Seriously the animation is beautiful and the character’s smiles are perfect to me. I seriously considered moving to Rome and finding this place if it was real. The food makes me hungry and it’s not even real. My stomach is grumbling atm.

I guarantee that you’ll fall instantly in love with the men or shall I say bishounen ;). As soon as Claudio talked, my heart melted. He is just unbelievably adorable. I don’t care if he is around his 50’s, I ship him so hard with Nicoletta. I can’t blame her for immediately falling in love with this gentleman. When Nicoletta was about to  ‘rape’ him ...ahhhhhhhhh OMG Claudio was such a gentleman that it was so cute I couldn’t handle it. 

 OH claudio. Stay innocent forver pls

If at this point you’re thinking, “ugh ew reverse harem of pedos” I shit you not. This isn’t the stereotypical reverse harem. Think of it as older version of Ouran high boys. The romance obviously just focuses on Nicoletta and Claudio...well Nicolletta one sided love. The other men have their own story which is such a great development for their character. 

So sad how it’s a short series with only a measly 11 episode. Even a person like me with a short attention span wants more than 11 episode. I want more Claudio and Nicoletta!! The ending was so unclear whether Claudio has started development feelings for her. Last episode was beautiful as Nicolletta and her mother's conflict is resolved <3

 Young Claudio, marry me pls


We all agree with you gurl.

Why is  Ristorante Paradiso is underrated? Do not bloody judge it by it’s cover and old men. IT IS INEVITABLE THAT YOU DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE IN RISTORANTE PARADISO. You will love them. I would rate this 10/10 if Claudio would just romantically love Nicoletta but I still give it 10/10 because it’s just perfect. Thanks I got a thing for gentlemen who are old and still beautiful. 

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