Saturday, 30 July 2016


For some reason, I frequently talk about 2015. I talk about it like it was my year. I wonder if I'm stuck in the past. I wonder if it has something to do with being 17. I didn't turn 17 last year but I was 17 for 6 months. I feel like that's the golden age for me. The age where I start to realise things. Or maybe it was turning 18. The 'transition' into adulthood.

I feel like I should talk about it for the last time. 2015.


I feel like I have the inability to be close with anyone. I never had a friend that I truly loved or cared for and vice versa. I don't open up fully or express my feelings. I don't think I ever had a friend that made me look at them and wish for us to grow old together. Everyone is temporary. When I graduated high school, my first thought was that I didn't want to connect with my group of friends. I wanted to go separate ways. I didn't connect with them. I feel like they were the type of people who temporarily cared about me for a while but not a life time. So from that I stopped communicating with anymore for months. I thought that once I started University, I would make a group of friends that I was able to connect with. Someone that my soul can grow attached to. I think I was never cut out to be such a social person. I was truly a fake person. I pretended that I was interested in whatever someone was talking about. I tried to get into politics just to keep with them. So I decided to cut everyone off.

It was just me. 2015 was just filled with dates with myself. On New Year's eve, it was the first time all year that I needed interaction. Because I had cut off many people, I felt more alone than ever. So in the end I had only 3 friends left. Which is better than nothing.


I hated everyone. This is the peak of my angsty teen bull. I don't really have any comment for this. People are fake and I hated that. Period.


I decided to stop fighting it. I don't believe there is a God anymore. It was always a struggle to try and love God. I didn't want to fake my feelings. I hated praying. It felt like I was talking to no one. Praying seemed like false hope.

False happiness

What bothers me the most was that I thought I loved myself. I thought I had accepted life as it is. I thought I had entered Nirvana and that I was beyond everyone else. In a way, I thought I had broken the fourth wall. I'm the observer of the world. I actually believed that I was at the peak of maturity. I believed that I stopped growing up, just growing old. Ha, I was happy with my mentality. To think that it was happiness when in fact it was the lowest point in my life. The act of an immature person.


Sunday, 24 July 2016

My trip to Nan Tien Temple

Ever since my trip to the Monastery in Bundanoon, two years ago, I've been in love. By in love, I meant with the atmosphere, environment, nature and artitecture.  There's no way I could go there again unless I ask my dad to drive me there, but the ride is long and I don't want to feel like a burden.

So I went and searched for someplace that is similar. Nan Tien Temple in Wollongong seemed just perfect. My trip was actually planned december last year, but I never took the initiation since it's a long trip and I have no sense of direction. No one wants to be in a far away place and lost.

Anyways, fast forward to July, I decided to go. Why not right?

Of course I had to plan out everything before I head out. I checked out for any available tour or activities and awesomely, it's available.

I took the train to get there, which took nearly 3 hours. The train from redfern to Unanderra was really crowded. I stood up the entire 1 hour and 45 mins! When I got to the station, I had to walk 15-20 mins to the temple. My feet were dead. Wrong shoes. I wore my cheapest shoes because I was paranoid someone might steal my nike when I take them off. (note to self: don't be stupid)

I caught my first Eevee there. Irrelevant but I just wanted to point that out. Haha.

Anyways, I took the tour. It's $4 for a ticket. On the website it stated about the tour plus activities but apparently they're separate. I didn't get to the fun activities by the way. The tour was around an hour and the tour guide was a mighty joy.

The rocks are representation of life. The white rocks represent the smooth life but along the way you will bump into black rocks which represents negativity. So life isn't smooth. (I hope I got the description right.)

The temple is huge! I mentioned before how my feet were dead, well after the tour, I don't think my feet love me anymore. 

The air is seriously fresh. 

Beware of snakes!

My tour guide said that everyone has the power to become a Buddha. There's a fun fact.

I couldn't take many pictures, especially the inside of the temple because it was prohibited. I can describe it though, 10000 Buddhas.

I wished I stayed longer but my feet weren't too happy. This is a very instagram worthy place.

I don't recommend coming here by yourself. I thought about how nice it would if I went with my mum.

The train ride back was amazing ( I got to sit down). The view was beautiful. 

The train went past Helensburgh and that was quite nostalgic. I had a trip to the abandoned Helensburgh station, back in March. This was for an assignment. 

Here's my playlist I listen that day:
  • 'Bizarre Love Triangle' by New order
  • 'Class Historian' by BRONCHO
  • 'Forest of Skyscrapers' by Neon Bunny
  • 'Don't Leave Me This Way' by Tomppabeats
  • 'Flowers (Feat. Nori)' by In love with a ghost
  • 'Love In The Ruins' by French Kicks
  • 'Said So What' by French Kicks
  • 'Ridin Solo (Njomza Remix)' by Hippie Sabotage
  • 'Hyperion' by Noble oaks  

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